Thanks for writing me back. It means a lot to me. You clearly put a lot of thought into your response. The more our conversations reveal the ways in which you think, the more impressed I become. That people of your caliber are coming up behind us millennials to help pave a way gives me a lot of hope for the future.

 When your maturity shows it makes me wonder how much my schooling failed me vs how much I failed myself. You seem so much further ahead at times than I feel I was at your age. Were your parents much more present than mine given the nature of your parents work, or was the schooling that was afforded by that work that much better than mine? Maybe I don't remember properly or am too hard on my past self. My memory of childhood has definitely been impacted... 

 Something I do know to have evolved in my family during my life in a big way is the belief that, as my dad now often says, "our beliefs are only relevant to us". I grew up going to church every Sunday and was taught all sorts of things no one in my nuclear family now believes. The one unspoken principle that has remained unbroken in my family is that every idea is open for discussion (that's where the story about my brother's fiancee hits), and that principle is a reflection of democracy itself. It's exciting to think how much more potential my children may have by having so many fewer walls of dogma to break down on their own. It took me about half the time to come to the realization my dad had, and I've had so many more since. Perspective is an aspect of privilege I think a lot about, and the closer Luisa and I are to having children the more I think about what it is to be in a position to pass them on. 

 I've been right to challenge so many of my own assumptions and understandings throughout my life that in recent years it became something of a habit. So much so that it felt like it would be a favor to the world if I could lend the talent and help others challenge theirs. It became an obsession that I've taken too far at times, perhaps exemplified when we were talking on your mom’s porch about that elementary teacher. I may still be in the process of realizing this. Habits don't break easily. These days it feels like the whole world has become obsessed with forcing people to challenge every assumption and I think everyone is getting a little fatigued by it. I certainly am. I can barely go on social networks anymore it's so exhausting. At this point not because my assumptions are being questioned, but because of how redundant everyone is. I wonder how many people I've exhausted in the same way. 

 We all need to make some assumptions, some generalizations to navigate the world. We only have so many inputs and so much bandwidth, and we have to pursue our dreams at the same time.

 When I was little I would go FAR out of my way to avoid waking anyone up. At sleepovers I'd always wake up 2-3 hours before all my friends. I was so scared I'd wake them up, so I'd stay silent, often I'd just lay there thinking, trying not to make a noise. Christmas mornings my brother Ryan and I would wake up hours before the rest of my family and I would always make him wake up my parents. We were both too afraid to wake up Eric. He would get so mad when we woke him up, it was like we had stolen something from him.

 Over the years I have relished challenging peoples assumptions, but I have always *hated* upsetting people. Your graduation dinner is something I think about at least a few times a month. I don't know if I'll ever be able to put it behind me... it’s a regret that will follow me (like this time on the playground in 2nd grade when I punched a girl, while she was doing pull-ups, in the stomach because she was mean to me). I knew I was making a mistake immediately. 

 While your feelings may have been directed toward your dad or Rebecca, I felt I was defending Aurora. In my mind, there was a baby coming that didn't deserve to be born into an environment of such constant drama. I was exhausted by the drama. It wasn't the time or the place. And it wasn't my role. In the moment, on that topic I felt like a pressure cooker. I couldn't help it and ultimately I broke one of my own unspoken tenets, "never add to drama". Until that moment, I'm not sure I really understood what it meant to be "triggered". 

 I don't think I saw how alone you felt. I don't believe I judged you, as I'm very against making judgements, but in my frustration with the lack of harmony and persisting conflict I can understand how I may have made you feel judged. 

 In the months proceeding that moment I had many conversations with your dad and Rebecca. Mostly listening, but trying to help them sort out how to navigate forward in bettering their relationship with both you and Luisa. Sometimes people really open up to me about drama. It wasn't my role to be directly involved, so I listened and many times I did present my perception of your perspective on the conflict to try to help them empathize and attain a more fruitful resolution. I defended you in private, and I actively struggled not to discuss the issue with *you* in private many times (I was frustrated with some of their handling of things too). If I had approached you, perhaps I wouldn't have lost control the night of your graduation and I could've reached out to you the next day to express myself. I was so certain it was not my place, and I broke in the worst possible moment.

 If it'd be helpful to you, we can discuss this more directly any time. 

I'm sorry you found my previous letter exhausting, and responding equally so, but I'm glad for the feedback and your openness. Writing bullet point ideas over time makes composition feel like less of a task for me, and allows me to filter my reflection through various stimulating events. Hopefully this letter is an improvement, now that I've learned a little more about how you communicate.

 The reflection in your response, is very evident. I was really conflicted about a lot of what I put in my first letter. Did I word W or X in the best way to be interpreted as intended? Could Y or Z have been hurtful rather than empowering or encouraging? Before handing it over I told myself I wanted that first letter to be as open as possible and let flaws land where they may. Your reflection about figuring out what needs to be said vs what needs to be heard is a great one. It reminds me of something I read recently in a great book, Cryptonomicon.

"Your younger nerd takes offense quickly when someone near them begins to utter declarative sentences, because they read into it an assertion that they, the nerd, do not already know the information being imparted. But your older nerd has more self-confidence, and besides, understands that frequently people need to think out loud. And highly advanced nerds will furthermore understand that uttering declarative sentences whose contents are already known to all present is part of the social process of making conversation and therefore should not be construed as aggression under any circumstances."

 I've been reading and writing like crazy recently. Some days, nothing but. Back in 2013 when I originally started conceptualizing and writing my world, I ordered *tons* of books. Some by the the cognitive psychologist Steven Pinker, a few by Neal Stephenson (including Cryptonomicon^ and Snow Crash), so many. Many I was able to read then, but I definitely had a bigger appetite than I could handle. Finally I've made the time to get to these and more. When I got these books I read about them and had a strong feeling that they'd help me flesh out the sci-fi world I was imagining. I had literally been waiting years to consume the ideas in these books and now I have. It's been incredibly satisfying. 

• Something I've been thinking about recently:

Love,

Kyle